Today I start this blog. October 13th, 2021. Because it's finally happened. In eight weeks, I go back. I take all that I've learned in the past twenty years and put it into practice. A giant test of my resolve and hard-gained wisdom.
I grew up in a narcissistic family. My early childhood training whispers all the time, urging a foolhardy path where I 'give another chance' and think 'maybe this time they'll listen'. Maybe this time...it will be different.
Despite all evidence.
Narcissistic abuse corrodes the soul, yet my heart yearns. Hope kills just as easily as it saves; it is the strongest, most confusing cage. I turned myself inside-out and scraped away every last bit of hope. Escaped. Or so I thought.
Going no contact with my abusers only works if I never speak with my mother again. I don't want to punish her for the family curse we were both born into. This blog is my promise. I'll be brutally honest about this soul's journey back into the beast's maw. This is a space for me to reflect, feel, lament, rejoice, rant, and anything else I need. And I want to share it. Because silence never helped.
A simple blog for an emotional maelstrom.